Please Dont Ever Use the Phrase and Got to Work in That Context Ever Again

I cringed at these things my friends said to me these few years. For those of you who don't really get u.s., I've decided to let you know  ten things not to say to a depressed person from my own experience.And be forewarned, for if you ever dare to fifty-fifty commencement uttering the below to me, I will hang you lot by your legs upside downwardly, skin you alive and so deep fry you before publicly disowning you and denying your pitiful existence.

I had never thought people would write to me for advice and suggestions. A few weeks back, a friend wrote to me and said she just constitute out that a family member of a friend has depression. But her friend did not know what to say or how to encourage the depression sufferer. She asked me if I had whatsoever recommendations. It got me thinking.

Even so, as I'g non a doctor, I can't give medical communication. Moreover, what to say is very dependent on the personality and situation of the oppressed. But what I can offering is my take on what Non to say to someone in depression. Hopefully this can help you lot sympathize where we weirdos are coming from, and for you to be more sensitive to our plight.

And on that annotation, may I solemnly remind y'all again: please don't ever ever Ever again say the below in bold type to me in whatsoever circumstances if you consider me a friend. Otherwise I'thousand throwing a tantrum in your face.

Do NOT say:- (Oh wow, I'yard writing a list!!!)

1. "Remain Positive"

I recollect: Duh! I know – but how? To me, my reality is that the world has alreadycaved in. What is irrational to yous makes utmost sense to me. I'chiliad so angry / upset / sad / lonely / devastated / hopeless / in despair… Why can't you lot understand me?

I feel: Recoil further into my shell to avoid future contact and meaningless communication because you never told me how to remain positive.

2. "Don't think like that"

I retrieve: Why not? What's incorrect with thinking like I do? It'due south an honest opinion. I really think this. It'southward negative all correct, only that'southward what I think, and then what'due south incorrect? So how should I think instead? Like y'all? But I don't agree with you, and then I become you if I call up like you…?

I feel: I did something wrong for thinking a certain way, and you reprimanded me for thinking and so. Thus, I withdraw, and berate myself for thinking the way I do, and spiral further downwards into depression due to self-criticism.
3. "Pull yourself together" / "Snap out of it" and the likes

I think: How? Snap out of what? I don't want to be like this either, you lot think it's fun?

I feel: Feel completely useless and hopeless that I'm incapable of holding myself together and getting amend. Low snowballs with this sense of incompetence.

4. "Why exercise y'all demand to be depressed?"

I think: Umm… I don't know, I wish I knew. Doctors said information technology'south considering of some imbalance in serotonin in me. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I DON'T KNOW!!!!!!!

I feel: Defendant of committing a heinous crime to be depressed. Dislocated considering I don't know what happened to brand me depressed and how it all happened. Lost since I don't know how to go out of depression. Feel inferior and worse about myself, so I hide from you likewise because I don't want to feel inadequate.

5. "Wait at how lucky you are already! Be thankful"

I think: I am thankful for what I have. But what does that have to exercise with depression? Doctors and every website I've read say depression is an illness and has biological factors. Low needs to be treated as whatever other sickness. You are lucky too, be thankful – end having a freaking common cold and sneezing germs into the air I breathe!

I experience: Misunderstood as a spoilt, ungrateful petty girl when I'm not. Frustrated for being misunderstood, cry, wail, sad. Retreat into my hiding place – again.

6. "Go do something and you lot will feel meliorate."

I think: Go practise what? I tin't be bothered. I'yard tired. I'k not interested. I take no energy. I only want to sleep. Doing something won't make me feel better. Go out me alone.

I feel: Tired and lethargic, and no energy to think virtually what to practice. Harassed because you lot keep telling me to practice something.

(N.B. What did work, was instead of telling me to exercise something, my fiancé but made me put my clothes on, slid me into my boots, and dragged me out of the house for a walk, talking nigh random things on the way, not once mentioning anything to exercise how I was doing or asking if I felt better.)

7. "What'due south wrong with y'all?"

I think: I WISH I KNEW. I wish I knew. Oh how I wish I knew. Can you lot tell me? Tin somebody tell me? I don't want to be like this. Why am I like this?

I experience: Absolutely hopeless because I don't know why I became similar this, and I was unable to find out the reasons behind my depression. Very belittled and angry at myself. Can't deal with this. I might equally well die.

eight. "You should practice this…" or "You lot should non exercise this (such as kill yourself)…"

I think: Why? This is my life, I'm allowed to end it if I want. Why should I eat? I'chiliad not hungry.

I experience: Patronized past your condescending tone (even if you didn't have one). Rejected for not doing what y'all call back I am supposed to. Another bash to my already dwindling self-conviction – you only succeeded in making me feel more than desperate and more depressed.

9. "See how others suffer even worst, and take no food to eat, exist grateful for what you lot have"

I think: But you lot told me non to compare myself with others when I told yous I was envious of others who take achieved more than me. And so how double faced is information technology that simply considering others are less fortunate I tin can compare with them? I know you are trying to tell me I should count my blessings – I do, trust me I do. But how does this solve my depression? I yet feel that life is not worth living despite existence grateful for what I have. I am too tired to carry on and endeavor.

I feel: Baffled as to why sometimes you say don't compare and other times you tell me to do so. I don't understand how existence thankful makes me feel better, because what I have now has no pregnant and no value to me. I Just Desire TO Die. Maybe if I dice, in that location'd be more food for those who don't have whatsoever. Continue to jumping out the window from 30^th flooring.

ten. "Information technology'due south all in your head…"

I think: Information technology'S NOT! Merely I know. How do I modify my head? Information technology's not my mistake. I didn't want this. I can't command it. I'k trying only I tin't!

I feel: Furious at myself for not existence able to control my caput and thinking. Inept at everything I'chiliad trying to do and worse, for disappointing yous. Lone that no one tin can understand me. Amerce myself. Doomed to fail; might as well dice…

You might consider our reactions and emotions to what you say extremely unreasonable. I will not argue virtually it. Yet, acquit in mind that someone affected by low does have a lot of "irrational" thoughts by standard of the norm. Yet, it is our reality and nosotros completely believe it, irrational or non. So don't try to debate or convince us otherwise. You will merely push us further down our bleak track.

My contention is that, the incorrect thing said, tin can unknowingly push a depressed friend over the border. Not to be fatalistic, merely sixty% of suicides in the earth is associated depression – go inquire the Earth Health Organization if you don't believe me.

Please, give united states a break. If we all had a pick, I don't think any of us would want to linger in a country of low.

If you don't know what to say, don't say anything. Just sit with usa, let us cry, kick your shoes or whatever. That'southward mayhap all we need for now. Leave the lecturing to a medical good such equally a psychologist who can practice information technology skillfully.

I compiled this from experience and based on my own reactions; I winced every time someone said the above to me in the last three years. Merely for reference.

If you have anything else to add together to the list of things to non say to a depressed person, feel gratis to in comments beneath. And if you liked this blurb please share with your friends and help my blog abound. Cheers 🙂

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Source: http://nochnoch.com/2012/02/20/10-things-not-to-say-to-a-depressed-person-and-please-dont-ever-say-to-me-either/

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